Writing — Emily Kling

McSweeney’s

The Wedding Vows of Someone Marrying Their “Best Friend” (was the #1 trending article and most read piece in March, 2023 on McSweeney’s; went on to be McSweeney’s 18th most read piece of 2023)

Carrie Bradshaw Reflects on the Smoke from the Canadian Wildfires

You’re Going to Love Camping, According to Me, Your Outdoorsy Friend (selected by Greener Pastures Magazine as one of their favorite pieces of satire of the week, 5/22/23; was the #3 trending article on McSweeney’s)

All the Underwear I’ll Be Packing for a Three-Day-Weekend Trip (featured on the Cup of Jo website, 2/17/23; selected by Greener Pastures Magazine as one of their favorite pieces of satire of the week, 2/20/23; was the #1 trending article on McSweeney’s)

I’m Not Sure Which, But One Of These Fifteen PDF Files Is The Final Draft

Happy Valentine’s Day From Facebook. Here’s a Photo of You and Your Ex (selected by The Belladonna Comedy as one of the 5 funniest articles by a woman or non-binary author of the week, 2/19/2022)

Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas for Straight Men (selected by The Belladonna Comedy as one of the 5 funniest articles by a woman or non-binary author of the week, 10/30/2021; was the #3 trending article on McSweeney’s)

Points in Case

I Went to a Concert and Took a Bunch of Terrible Videos for Us to Watch Together Right Now

We're Going to Begin Boarding Your Flight in the Following Order

In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College (co-authored)

Are You at a Passover Seder or Taking an Online Personality Quiz?

It's Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me

List: Common Misspellings of Hanukkah, in Context

List: Ten Questions to Ask Your Friend Who's Feeling Down

Hey, It's Me, Earth. We Need to Talk.

I Am the Hiring Algorithm That Didn't Select Your Job Application, and These Are the Words You Had to Say to Get an Interview

I'd Love to Invite You to Join Clubhouse, Even Though I Don't Really Know What Clubhouse Is

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Reaches Out to HR

An Important Message from Your University President, Who Is Shocked That What Everyone Said Would Happen Is Happening (selected by The Belladonna Comedy as one of the 5 funniest articles by a woman or non-binary author of the week, 11/13/2020)

List: What He Means When He Says “You’re Not Like the Other Girls”

Weekly Humorist

I’m a Resolutions Girly and I Demand to Hear Your New Year’s Resolutions

I Have To Manspread on Public Transportation Due To My Massively Wide Chode

Alternative Names For Wisdom Teeth (selected as part of Weekly Humorist’s Best of 2023)

How to Tell if You’re Lighting the Menorah or Gaslighting the Jewish People (co-authored)

Quiz: Are You a Worker Under Late Stage Capitalism or a Monkey Trying to Type Shakespeare as Part of the Infinite Monkey Theorem? (selected as part of Weekly Humorist’s Best of 2022)

Famous Hemingway Quotes in Context

Monopoly for Millennials: The Updated Rulebook (selected as part of Weekly Humorist’s Best of 2022)

This Earth Day, Help Save The Planet By Purchasing Our ‘I Love The Earth’ Synthetic T-Shirt (you can buy this shirt on Weekly Humorist’s website by clicking here)

Let’s Get High And Go To The Van Gogh Museum

Excerpt from Mick Jagger’s Time in Analysis (selected as part of Weekly Humorist’s Best of 2022)

Shiv Roy’s Tips for How To #GirlBoss Your Way Through Losing Control of the Family Company (co-authored)

Rejected Friends Thanksgiving Episodes (co-authored)

17 Ways To Make It Seem Like You’re Still Listening When You’ve Stopped Paying Attention

AirBnB Listing for the Love Shack (selected as part of Weekly Humorist’s Best of 2021)

The Belladonna

It’s Way Too Hot; I Promise I’ll Never Complain About The Cold Ever Again

What He Means When He Says He Doesn’t Like Cats

The People My Fiancé and I Must Invite To Our Wedding, According To My Parents (featured in the Newsletter of Humorous Writing, 9/29/22)

Welcome to Body By Sisyphus

Happy Mother’s Day From the Supreme Court That Doesn’t Believe Women Should Have A Choice In Whether or Not They Become Mothers

Oscar Nominated Movie Summaries Based Solely on Their Posters (featured in the Fully AuthentiCaited newsletter as ‘Recommended Reading’, 5/15/2022)

Dear God, It’s Me, Death. Please Accept This Letter As My Formal Resignation (selected by Greener Pastures Magazine as one of their favorite pieces of satire of the week, 11/29/2021)

Playing Taboo With the Police

McSweeney’s

Points in Case

Weekly Humorist

The Belladonna

Slackjaw

Little Old Lady Comedy

Cup Of Jo

Canonicity, Obscenity, and the Making of Modern Chaucer (COMMode) Interview

Buzzfeed’s Twitter Round-Up Mentions

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